No parent wants to see there child in any kind of pain, no matter how big or small the pain causing thing is. OK let me back a bit and give you the back story here. My second daughter Abigail Maria Goold was born on March 12, 2016 at just 36weeks and 2days. When I went into labor this early I was for sure she was going to be at least 5lbs and that her lungs weren't going to be developed enough. Oh boy was I wrong she ended up being 6lbs 9oz and 19in and no lung problems yahooooooo! She was fine except for one tiny thing her hips dislocated very easily.
     When the doctor first told me this I was like "what the crap no way". He reassured me that this happens and she was ok. The doctor made my fears go away all he wanted us to do is double dipper and go see a Orthopedic therapist. We went and saw the Orthopedic therapist 3 different times and he could still feel her hip dislocate, pop, and click. At the 3rd appointment he informed me that we need to take her to another specialist. At that point I broke down inside, I wondered how I'm gonna deal with this? He informed me that this happens all the time he would like someone else to take a look. Because she is 3 months old her hips should stay in place now, and there not. How is my baby going though this and not me how?
     I got in the car and I called up to Primary Children's Hospital, now that is a call I don't ever want to make. I set up appointment for her to get a treatment plan in how to fix her hips. When your child is in any kind of pain all you want to do is take it away for them. I feel so extremely helpless I wish this was happening to me. I know in my heart that all well be OK, but that doesn't take away the fear I have right now of it being something more then just her hip.
     I know that the hip is a small thing, but to me it's major, to me I feel helpless. My hope and dreams for my children is that they can do and be anything they want to. My love for my kids has no words it goes beyond this world. With that love i wish I could take away her pain, but I can't. I have faith in our Heavenly Father that this is a small moment in time that I can and well get though. I leave you with my testimony that I KNOW that this church is true. I know that our Father in Heaven is ALWAYS there for us no matter what we are going though. He loves us all.

Love Ashley 

        

P.s. Here are some of my favorite pictures of abby.
    

My favorite picture ever

The simple joys in my life

      The simple joys in my life are my family. I always wanted to be a mom but never thought it would happen. Personally I didn't think I would make a good mom. Part of me didn't want to give up my freedom, and part of me give up hope of being a mom. 

     My husband and I had our first daughter Brooklyn in September of 2014. There is nothing in this world that even comes close to the feeling you have when your child is placed in your arms for the first time. Well if I'm honest when I had her I thought "what the heck did I just get my self into". As a first time mom it took me a couple of weeks to really feel a connection with my daughter. I felt so horrible inside that I didn't love her right away. How is it I couldn't feel love for this sweet bundle of joy so fresh from heaven? The love for her eventually came and when it came i was over come with emotions. I looked into her eyes, i thought about my old life and I got do sad because she wasn't in it. She grew to be my best friend and one of the major sources of happiness in my life. 

     We had our second daughter Abigail in March of 2016. This time around when I first held her I loved her instantly. My love grew even more when I saw my daughter Brooklyn meet her she had this smile from ear to ear. It was almost like she already knew who this new little baby was. In that moment I thanked my Heavenly Father for sending me these two little angels.

      I feel so extremely blessed that I'm able to have this gift of having babies. They truly have been the greatest joys in my life. They have taught me what true unconditional love is. I think about how my life was before them and let me tell you in was a dull dull life. I can't imagine a world where they are not in it. My daughters truly brought the life back into my life as well as my family's.  

       Being a parent is the hardest and best job that I well ever have. I'm not a perfect parent and honestly I don't want to be a perfect parent. The last thing my dad said to me was " I wasn't the best parent but I did my best and Ashley that's all you do be and do your best". I have made mistakes in parenting, but I always do my best. I think as parents we beat our selfs up to much because we aren't the best parents, but what I think is we forget to our kids we are the best.

     Remember your kids love you in away that no one else can. I would like to close with bearing my testimony of this gospel I KNOW that it's true  and I'm so thankful that I have it in my life. I know that no matter what you are going tough Heavenly Father well always be there for you. He loves us so much that he sent his only begotten son to atone for our sins, so that one day we can return unto him. I love you all and I want you all to know your amazing. 

Love Ashley 

      

Families are The Treasure of Heaven by Elder Neil L Andersen. 

Family is the center of life it's the key to Eternal Happiness by Elder L Tom Perry.

Brooklyn meeting Abigail for the first time

My sweet family

Brooklyn age 1 1/2

Abigail age 2 months

Losing two people I love and how I'm getting though it.

My whole life I've been a really happy person,but recently I've been battling to be happy. Most people may look at my life and say "you have a husband and two beautiful girls why aren't you happy". I've asked my self that question a lot lately I have a family why aren't I happy.                      
    The last day I remember being happy was my wedding day.  I was grinning from ear to ear, I was like a kid on Christmas morning. Then on August 22nd 2014 that all changed. At this time we had been married 2months,we just moved into our apartment, and I was 7months pregnant.  Every thing seemed to be going great.       We woke up that day and took a walk to Macy on state Street in Orem to pick up stuff for brunch. On the way I called my dad to talk to him about my brothers first football game of the season. He didn't pick up so I just left him a voice-mail. I remember thinking oh well I'll just try and call him later. At around 1:30pm we got a phone call from my aunt with some earth shattering devastating news that I'll never forget. My aunt told us that my grandmother went in the back room of their house and found my dad had passed away.
       In that moment my whole world came crashing down. I was hoping and wishing my aunt would say it was a joke, but she didn't it was true my dad was gone. As a daddy's girl you don't want to believe your dad is gone. I wanted my dad to be alive so he could meet my little girl and just because I wanted him here. We went down to St.George to be with family during this time. Let me tell you that drive was the longest of them all I hated it.
        My family found out my dad passed away from a massive heart attack. It was hard for me to grieve for him because I was pregnant, I didn't want anything happening to my baby if I broke down. I really didn't allow my self to cry very much, one time I did was the day we buried him. On that day it was raining and very gloomy suiting for the way I was feeling inside. Before the service starts you have a family prayer then you close the casket. Closing the casket is the hardest thing to do, because that's the last time you'll see their body here on earth. I didn't want to let him go i wanted him to stay,but I knew he needed to go.
       After my dad died i started smiling less and keeping to myself. I got angry at everything and everyone, I was even angry with my dad for leaving us. As time went on there where moments i was happy but it just wasn't the same. I had my daughter a month after he passed away. I was so sad because all I wanted that day was my dad. When I feel pain I want my dad, he always made me feel better. After I had my baby things seemed to be going better I felt a little happy.
     In February of 2015 we moved from Orem to St.George and I was beyond excited to move home. I loved being around family again. I was happy to put some real roots down and make a true home. In July we found out we were expecting another baby yaaaaaa. One day driving around town with my husband i said in a joking manner "I hope no one dies this time unexpectedly".
       In September we had a birthday party for my daughter 1st birthday. First birthdays are supposed to be milestones and my daughters was. I was happy I had 4 days off work to hang with family and my sweet little one. On the morning of September 12, 2015 life was about to take another devastating turn.
     I woke up at 7am to start getting ready for my daughter birthday. I was in the bathroom getting ready when I got a phone telling me my stepmom had passed away (side not I was in the bathroom when I found out my dad died too). In my head I was thinking are you kidding me really not again. My stepmom had been in my life since I was 2,and over the years we have gotten really close. So when i found out she died I felt bad because i remember what I said to my husband about no one dying. I felt like her death was my fault like if I wasn't pregnant maybe she would still be here. I know that is silly to think that way but I did and some days I still do.
      After her funeral I fell into a deeper depression that was starting to really affect my marriage. My husband and I would fight a lot about dumb stuff, I felt bad because sometimes I just picked the fights to be mean. Fighting was the only way I could make my self cry about my parents deaths. I wouldn't allow my self to break down any other way. Stupid I know, but it's what I did. I'm not proud of the way I acted at all in fact I'm disappointed in how I acted. My husband didn't deserve any of it he was only trying to help me. He wasn't the reason for my anger my parents where. I was mad they left us so soon.
      Nothing helped...well that is not until I let it help. My faith in our Heavenly Father is what is helping me get though this. I have a testimony of this gospel I know that it's true and that one day I'll be with my dad and stepmom again. All the pain I feel inside he has already felt for me. I know it's not my fault that their gone... it was their time to go they had more work to do on the other side. Missing someone hurts so bad. There are days I didn't want to get out of bed. I think about how they want me live, and I know they wouldn't me to stop living because they are gone. My dad and stepmom would want me to go out , do my best and be my best. I tell you if you ask Heavenly Father He well be there he is ALWAYS there. No matter what you have gone though or where you are now he loves you. These past two years have taught me how much he loves, cares,and is there for us. I leave you with my testimony that I KNOW this church is true.

      Love Ashley

Me and my dad